When you married, if you’re like most couples, you made a vow pledging your faithfulness. But now you’ve discovered your spouse didn’t take that vow seriously. It doesn’t matter whether it was a one-night stand or a long-term affair, the results are the same—your spouse’s action has left in its wake fear, doubt, distrust, betrayal, hurt, and anger.

Ultimately, it’s what you do with these emotions—how you process them—that makes the difference. For you and your marriage’s sake, you need to process these emotions in a positive way. Here’s help.

Hedges. You probably don’t spend much time thinking about them. Bills? Yes. Work? Yes. The kids? Yes. But not hedges. What comes to mind when you think of one, anyway? A hedge fund? A hedgehog? An oddly-shaped row of bushes awkwardly leveled-off at the top, prickly and just about as appealing as a bad haircut?

While a hedge might not be what your property needs, it is what your marriage needs. When we talk about building a hedge in your marriage, we’re actually talking about constructing a mutually protective investment that will allow your marriage to flourish like never before.

Question:  Should I reveal to my husband events from my past, even though I believe he could never find out about them?

There is a threefold test I share with people who ask if they should tell their spouses either about their distant past, or about things that they’ve done since their marriages began. Most often the question comes from people who’ve had an affair, but the same test works well for deciding whether to share any secret you’re keeping from your mate.

How to heal from adultery and other serious marital sins.